Pity the poor GRANDMAS. The directing and writing duo are not only in lockdown, they're locked down... up north!

As we trundle through Week Whatever-It-Is of quarantine, things appear to be getting quite tense in the GRANDMAS household. The only thing keeping them going is a sideline in second-hand fridges. That and their pigeon-fancying...   

What were you working on before the lockdown?
We’d just booked a promo before we went into lockdown. The concept was a good 'un as well. Hopefully everyone will still be motivated to get it done when the world stops ending.

Usually we like to start the day with a good cry.

What are you working on now?
We do narrative alongside our promo work, so we’ve been pretty submerged in our writing. We’re working on a feature with the BFI and their early development fund and also working on our next short with Amy O’Hara at BFI North and Manoela Chiabai at Black Dog.

We also sell discount white goods so if anyone is in the market for a microwave or a fridge freezer (slight wear) please get in touch at www.grandmasdiscountwhitegoods.net. If you find a better deal we’ll actually kill the other vendor, and that’s a promise.

What's the most surprising, or least predictable thing, that's happened to you during quarantine?
Nothing. Literally nothing has happened. Every day is the same. It’s rubbish.

What's the favourite part of your daily routine?
Usually we like to start the day with a good cry. Then we’ll pay each other compliments until our self esteem is high enough that we can start writing again.

Are things getting harder/better/staying the same?
Harder. But we’re hoping if everything goes to shit and devolves into civil unrest then we might leverage control of a local borough - maybe Burnley, or somewhere shit like that. We’ll be the Kings of Burnley.

We’re both screwed for money, so we’re learning how to catch and boil pigeons.

What have you learned about yourself during quarantine?
We’ve both realised that knocking your testicles back and forth a bit with a ball pein hammer is a great way to pass the time. Hours of fun for zero pounds.

Best meal you have eaten/are regularly cooking (send photo, if poss!)
We’re both screwed for money, so we’re learning how to catch and boil pigeons. Sounds 'weird' now but once the economy collapses we’ll see who’s so ‘weird and disgusting, and now harbouring several diseases and parasites’’ won’t we MICHAEL, and then you’ll be the one who’s a starving idiot... thinking your so flash with your Fiat Punto and your brother’s AirMax...

Anyway, they’re delicious once you’ve boiled all the muck off them. Plus there’s loads of them and they’re free. It’s fully not disgusting too :)

Best thing you’ve watched, or heard, while on lockdown, and why? And the worst...?
We watched a video where a dog sings an opera song that was quite captivating. Also would highly recommend Black Cat White Cat (you’ve probably seen it), the Slint documentary ‘Breadcrumb Trail’ and the seminal picture of 1997, Flubber.

How's your Work/Life balance at the moment?
At first we had a pretty good rhythm going, but now we’re slowly running out of writing projects. We’re waiting on notes back from a few scripts before we get at it again.

We have stuff to do for now but who knows what’ll happen, that’s why we also sell white goods on the side - at very competitive prices. You know where to find us.

• GRANDMAS is represented by Black Dog Films. Watch their work here